Jane Stuart – Writer

Writing about real life Up North: football, ale, food and mental health – with a good dash of humour.

Blackpool v Gillingham: Perfect Day

I love Easter. It’s not just the chocolate. Indeed, far less so this year, now I’m on a diet (and allowed a maximum of three Fererro Rocher a day). I love having the time to spend a long, leisurely weekend spending time doing things that I love. Easter Monday alone was a perfect example.

  • 9am

    Lee brought me a cup of tea (Earl Grey Rooibos) as I settled down in my rocking chair in the warm conservatory to work on my penultimate OU assignment. Having already done much of the research, I began to write the script for the pilot episode of my TV series. I became completely absorbed in setting the scene and creating dialogue as my characters came to life and interacted with one another to advance the plot. I don’t know where the time goes when I’m in creative mode, but the morning was gone in a flash – and the first draft of my assignment was written by accident. I had only intended to make a start.

  • 12pm

    It was only my hunger that made me check the time. Oops! Lunchtime already. In picking up my phone to check the time, I entered ADHD mode – and discovered an interesting tweet.

    Ooh this was interesting! I remembered singing my head off to Blondie in the ladies at Spotland last season (not caring who might have been listening). I was straight onto Spotify to listen to today’s matchday playlist. And boy was I glad I did! The tuneage was bloody magnificent and had me singing and dancing all around the house as I prepared lunch.

    I heard the letterbox clatter and danced to the front door to find a new book had arrived. This was my third book drop of the Easter weekend – and will form part of my evolution into a screenwriter. Well, writing this nonsense isn’t going to pay the bills, is it?

  • 2.30pm

    After Friday’s shenanigans trying to get the show on air at the last minute with technical difficulties, Lee was super organised today and consequently we were both relaxed heading into our latest livestream. Pre-diet, I would eat Midget Gems to get me buzzing for the show. It seemed that today, thanks to Rochdale, I was more hyper than ever. Despite expecting the game to be horrific (as we were facing Steve Evans’s Gillingham), I was singing my head off all the way through today’s stream. One of our viewers came up with a cracking new song (to the tune of We Will Rock You – We Are We Are Blackpool), which is going to sound ace when we’re back at Bloomfield Road. Meanwhile, there’s only one of me singing…

  • 3pm

    Oh we really need an early goal today. Please let us get an early goal today. We know what this Gillingham team is like: time-wasting, feigning injury, twatting around. We can’t let them take the lead.

    • BANG! Jerry Yates. He doesn’t miss from there.
    • OOF! Gillingham equalise with a well-taken goal.
    • BANG! Jerry Yates with his 20th of the season.
    • BANG! Sullay Kaikai with a brilliantly-taken effort, which boosts his confidence for the rest of the game.

    We hardly had time to draw breath during the first half. Boy were we not expecting that! A pulsating half of end-to-end football. Was this really Steve Evans’s Gillingham we were playing? What was going on? We had no intention of questioning it or complaining – this was awesome!

  • 4pm

    Well, surely they had to come at us now? Evans wouldn’t stand for any more of this, would he? Dear reader, Gillingham simply could not handle Blackpool today.

    • BANG! (to the tune of Dem Bones) Embo Embo it’s Embo / Embo Embo it’s Embo / Embo Embo it’s Embo / And he’s the lord of the ball.

    This was an absolute masterclass from Critch, who is working wonders with this squad. We can see the players improving week on week. There is not one player in this squad who isn’t up to the job; the ones who are get shipped out without due despatch.

    Here are the highlights:

  • 5pm

    I leave Lee to the post-match analysis with his new team. For me, when a match is over, I’m done with it, but Lee likes to talk about it for a good hour afterwards. The perfect solution is him staying on air with some fellow Seasiders to analyse what they’ve just seen, while I escape to the kitchen to get tea on.

    We have a peculiar radio in the kitchen which sometimes turns itself off as soon as you turn it on; and sometimes turns itself on when you turn it off. With some persistence, I managed to get Simon Mayo on Greatest Hits Radio (standard kitchen channel) to accompany me while I made the tea. I should have requested this one…

    On a Saturday I know exactly what I’m cooking, as the shopping has recently been delivered and there are fresh ingredients and a recipe to tackle. This was a Monday, though, so I was a bit stuck. I rummaged through the freezer and found some chicken. Hmm. I could make a curry with that. I found onions, peppers, chillies – this was going well. Throw in some lemongrass, garlic, ginger, lime juice, soy sauce, Thai green curry paste and coconut milk and – just like that – there’s a Thai Green Curry whipped up from scratch. It would have been healthy, too, if it wasn’t for the full fat coconut milk. Despite Because of this, it was bloody lush.

  • 6pm

    Time to walk off that tea! It’s been getting nippier as the weekend has progressed, so we put our big coats on and head out for a local stroll. We’re still buzzing from the win and can be heard singing the Embo song from quite a distance. Altogether now…

    Maxwell throws it out to Turton

    Turton passes it to Grant Ward

    Grant Ward passes it to Embo

    And he’s the lord of the ball

    Embo Embo it’s Embo

    Embo Embo it’s Embo

    Embo Embo it’s Embo

    And he’s the lord of the ball

    (C) Blackpooljane, 2021
  • 8pm

    Time to catch up on the last in the series of Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway. It’s such a wonderful feelgood show (not unlike our livestreams…) and it is a joyful end to what has been such a joyful day.

    Happy Easter, folks!

    UTMP.

    PS We’re going up!!!

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