A Football Tourist’s Guide to Grimsby

I fell in love with Grimsby and Cleethorpes back in 2018 when I visited for Chasetown’s match at Clee Town – and I have returned every year since. The people, the chippy, the bottle shop, the brewery, the live music venues…what’s not to love? That said, I was concerned that my visits were becoming a bit samey – so this time I made it my mission to explore a bit more of the culture and history of the area (as well as visiting my old faves, obvs). On this occasion, Chase were again in town – playing Grimsby Borough in the FA Trophy – so I built our weekend around that fixture.

Eastbound

Lee and I set off from Blackpool at 0845 to make the 2.5h journey to the opposite coast. The roads were clear and the sun was shining and it was a delightful day to be off holibobbing.

Now you’ll recall from previous Tourist Guides that we usually blast out tunes from artists hailing from the place we’re visiting. However tonight we were off to see a Duran Duran tribute (called Duran, who we hoped were more than half as good as DD, as their name might imply), so we decided to get into the zone and bang on DD Essentials. This is my fave song of theirs:

I was bloody starving by the time we arrived in Grimsby – having only had a small breakfast before leaving – but we had some tourism on the agenda before heading to the chippy for lunch (which I knew would be well worth the wait).

We were impressed by this building on our arrival in town, although we didn’t have time to investigate what it was.

I’ve just looked it up and it’s Grimsby Central Library. I’m a huge fan of libraries and am voraciously working my way through the shelves of Blackpool and Manchester libraries. Use them or lose them, folks. You can order in books you want to read (including new releases) and they’ll let you know when they’re ready for collection. I need to stop ordering them so I can get back to my old favourite habit of browsing the shelves for random books that catch my eye (this was how I discovered one of my favourite authors, Emile Zola, in Darlaston Library – where I also once saw Andy Watson Superstar).

Anyway, lets move on to why we’re actually here this morning.

Time Trap Museum

This quirky little museum promised ‘a time travel journey to uncover the town’s history’. I’m getting into time travel (engaging in a lot of this through writing my memoir – and also from watching Star Trek), so was excited about this. I wondered whether we would be travelling forward in time as well as back?

We entered the museum via the Town Hall reception, where we were greeted by a woman even tinier than me (Lee admitted he had thought she was sitting down until she moved). She led us down a corridor and showed us into the museum.

I very quickly realised I had made a grave error on setting out this morning. Now you know I’ve been having issues with my eyes, fluctuating between multifocal contact lenses (for screen work), distance contact lenses (for football, gigs and being generally out and about) and glasses (which cover all of the above but I don’t really like wearing them). Well today I was in my distance lenses (allowing for the wearing of sunglasses on this sunny day, viewing my surroundings and enjoying the gig later). However I had failed to factor in the fact that museums involve a lot of monitor-distance reading – something I simply could not manage in these distance lenses (I have a similar issue with pump clips). Yes, I had my reading glasses, but they only work for book-reading distance things, not things that bit further away. This was HUGELY frustrating. I was already feeling somewhat hangry and this was not helping my mood. Lee kindly read out a number of things for me and I further made do by photographing lots of things to read at a future point (time travelling, you see).

There was a great little football section in here. Blackpool even featured!

Below are some examples of things I couldn’t read. That said, I don’t have the time or the patience to fully read these things when I’m in a museum anyway, so perhaps this is a good way for me to more fully enjoy them.

A gallery of famous Grimbarians (for so they are called) included links to my favourite themes of beer and football:

On exiting the museum – which I enjoyed very much but would have enjoyed more if I’d been wearing my glasses – I was keen for some chippy action. Before reaching the car, however, I was stopped in my tracks by a phone call from a mystery number. It turned out to be the woman from our hotel. She was just popping out to buy breakfast tomorrow so wanted to provide instructions on how to access our room and the timings for breakfast in the morning (0800-1000). She sounded a great character and we’d already spoken twice further (queries on parking) before we arrived at the hotel (which we weren’t planning on doing this early, but we wanted to be sure of bagging a parking space).

After we’d checked in (we caught our hostess before she’d left – I’d probably delayed her with my two additional calls), we got to chatting about the purpose of our visit. She told us that her son-in-law, Bradley Wood, played for Grimsby Borough (remember we’re here to watch them take on Chase tomorrow).

‘Don’t Google him!’

Before we’d had chance to do so, she filled us in on the reason for his recent break from football. Brad was to become a major character in our weekend (and this blog), so I’ll say no more on this subject (don’t Google him).

Steels Cornerhouse Restaurant

Right, now it was finally time to visit my favourite chippy in the world. The quality of each key component of a chippy tea (fish, chips and gravy) in this place is unsurpassed. This is why I keep returning here year after year. Much as I love Yorkshire Fisheries in Blackpool, this place is another level.

I usually book ahead of a visit here but didn’t on this occasion. I soon learned why booking in advance is a good idea, as there was a queue out the door. It was a lovely sunny day though, so we chatted with others in the queue while we waited. A curious couple were about to walk past until I announced that we had travelled all the way from Blackpool to enjoy a meal here – and did so every year; they promptly joined the queue with us. Lets be honest, if people are queuing out the door, it’s a sign of a great place. This was evidenced in previous visits to Nibble in Hull, Cafe 33 in Norwich and SK15 in Stalybridge. So my tourist top tip is, if you see a queue outside a cafe/restaurant, join it and enjoy some delicious scran.

I spotted the gaffer, Ian, in the middle of the road; he appeared to be conducting some sort of traffic survey (that took me back to geography classes at school). I waved at him and he smiled back in a way that said ‘who the hell is that?!’ I have a similar look when I don’t recognise someone (which happens often). In his defence, I was wearing shades and had only yesterday had my hair dyed back to something that was supposed to be my natural colour but wasn’t; I barely recognised myself in the mirror at the moment. Anyway, I left him to it.

At last we made it to the front of the queue and were seated at a table in the window upstairs.

First things first: what beers have you got on?

I ordered the small haddock and chips and panicked when I thought I had forgotten to order the gravy but happily it was delivered with my order.

This came with three slices of brown bread and butter so I could make chip butties (this is the only place I have these and they are bloody lush).

Lee remarked on how amazing the haddock was and I pointed out that this was the reason I kept coming back here year after year: the quality of the ingredients. This truly is the best chippy in the country/world.

Right – now it was time to walk this off, heading southbound (I think – it’s confusing being on the opposite coast) down the prom in the direction of the light railway.

Cleethorpes

We caught this little train one way towards the pub boating lake.

Oh look – there’s a pub. Would be rude not to pop in.

Cleethorpes Taphouse & Kitchen

This is one of my fave haunts in Clee and there’s always something exciting on to drink.

I went for the Yonder Scoopy, which I was warned was a stout, which I hadn’t expected (you know I don’t read beer boards properly at the best of times), but was pleased to hear. This was indeed a lush beer.

Lee had one of these, which was also very nice and tasted like ginger ale.

As we enjoyed our drinks in the sun in the beer garden, overlooking the lake, I leafed through a brochure I’d picked up somewhere on our travels.

On the way out we spotted this wine dispenser thing which was operated by staff. Could this potentially be used as a self service machine by customers? Not that I drink wine, but it was quite exciting.

Now onwards back, er, north?

The Boy with the Leaking Boot

Willys Pub & Brewery

This is another favourite. We had hoped that we’d be able to grab some tea in here but, as is tradition, we’d missed the food serving times. This did, however, save me from the Naga Chilli Con Carne which I would have probably ordered (and regretted today and tomorrow).

The wind was getting up now (Willys is situated on the prom) so our al fresco drinking was short-lived. We moved to a table at the rear of the pub, from where we noticed for the first time that there was an upstairs seating area here. Lee also spotted a rear beer garden, so this place is much more spacious than it appears. We also got a peek into the brewery from here but I forgot to take a pic (soz).

We did need to get some tea before heading to the gig, though, so I started researching places on my phone. Ahead of our visit, I had spotted a couple of great looking bistros over in Grimsby (Abbys Bistro being the favoured choice), but we were running short on time now so wanted to grab some scran closer to where we were currently situated.

Nottingham House Hotel

We didn’t end up staying in here as Lee didn’t fancy anything on the menu (I might have had any one of these cask offerings, with the exception of the Citra). Instead, we headed to our last Must Visit of the day.

Message in a Bottle

NOW we’re talking. Never mind food for now, this fab little bottle shop is an absolute MUST visit – and another reason I come to Clee every year.

First of all, I browsed the shelves. Which was difficult with my distance contact lenses. I got round this by putting on my reading glasses and picking up the cans that looked alluring from a distance (I am drawn in by logos and artwork and colours). I do restrict myself to four cans on bottle shop (can shop?) visits, otherwise I could get myself in all sorts of trouble. I don’t really drink at home these days but I make an exception for special beers like these.

There’s also a bar in here and, since my last visit, this has relocated to the back of the shop, with counters both inside the shop and in the outdoor sheltered seating area. I headed to the bar and was faced with this on cask.

I received a warm welcome as always and was quickly offered a taster of the pineapple sour that I couldn’t see from this side of the bar.

We took a seat in the outdoor(ish) area, where we observed that there was quite the range of customers in here. I could happily have stayed here for much longer than the one drink but we had food to hunt down and a gig to get to. We’ll be back though!

Jamals

We passed this Bengali/Bangladeshi place on our way back to our hotel and it was just too handy to miss. Lee doesn’t eat spicy food but it was actually his suggestion (knowing that I love it). Given the time constraints and the fact that I can never resist a curry, how could I say no?

There were a few things of note in this place. First of all, how good is the artwork above? Secondly, the background music was dance music. This augured well for the quick service and exit that we were seeking – how could anyone possibly work and eat slowly to dance music?

But the highlight was the young waiter, who kept delivering orders to the wrong tables. Despite the boss telling him ‘check the table numbers before you come out’, this practice was continued throughout the night. We could have eaten earlier, had we accepted the meals he tried to deliver pretty much as soon as we’d sat down.

Lee tucked into the poppadoms and I sampled the dips (love me a bit of lime pickle). For my main, I had the Chicken Jalfrezi with Boiled Rice.

The dish was clearly freshly cooked and felt healthy as opposed to being full of ghee. However it did lack the infusion of flavours that I particularly enjoy in an Indian restaurant – that je ne sais quoi that I find impossible to replicate at home. Still, healthy was good, given that I’d had a full on chippy for lunch.

Over our food, we discussed something that was weighing on my mind quite heavily. I was worried about Elfo, who had been left in a worrying position at the end of the first series of Disenchantment. Elfo is right up there with Saga Norén from The Bridge and Kelly from Mum as one of my favourite tv characters of all time. I couldn’t rest until I knew he was ok. Thankfully, we had Netflix at our hotel, so would be able to find out his fate very soon.

Disappointingly, the waiter failed to deliver our bill to the wrong table, so we settled up and headed over Grimsby way.

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Thanks to our lightning service at Jamals, we arrived in Grimsby ahead of schedule. Doors for the gig were 1900, the start time on Facebook said 2000 and we arrived at 1940. Hmm, did we have time to nip to Docks for a ‘proper beer’ in advance of the gig? I wasn’t sure what beer offerings there would be at what was a new venue for me tonight. We decided against risking this as we were heading to Docks tomorrow anyway. This also allowed me to be more sensible with my drinking tonight for diet reasons and so I would feel fresher in the morning.

Duran @ Yardbirds

This club is run by bikers, who had done the work on it themselves during lockdown. How wonderful that places such as this and Docks Academy (another outstanding music venue not far from here) arose out of the pandemic. There’s no keeping creatives down – we’ll always find a way.

As soon as we stepped inside we were overawed by the magnificence of the place. The decor was incredibly impressive.

There was a large balcony with tables and seats. To the right there was a bar area – with very friendly and welcoming staff – and a standing area. Then in front of the stage, on a lower area at the back of the club, there was another standing area. We’d be down there later but meanwhile we took a seat on the balcony.

There was no support act tonight and it was 2100 before Duran came on. There was a short break in the middle of their set but they played until 2320. The band formed in 1999 and the sound quality was incredible – very much like Duran Duran themselves. Their love for the band was very clear. If you’re a fan of Duran Duran you would love this. Some of the songs were a bit niche – such as the B side to Planet Earth – but we sang along to the ones we knew.

Phew that was a late one! Time to head back to the hotel (sadly too late to discover Elfo’s fate tonight).

Burlington Hotel

We were up too early for breakfast, which allowed us time to check up on Elfo (I won’t spoil it because I recommend you watch Disenchantment for some quality escapism).

There were lots of options for breakfast: continental, fruit, cereals, Skinny bars and also an English breakfast section, which comprised the below.

After a bit more Disenchantment while we waited for the museum to open, we finally headed down to check out. As I was about to drop the key in the box, we were met with our friendly hostess from yesterday. Today she was with her daughter and she quickly called Brad (the one you haven’t Googled) so we could meet him.

We chatted for ages with Brad. It turned out he had played for Grimsby Town against Chasetown in the FA Trophy back in 2011. This defeat for Grimsby was the reason I received such a hostile welcome in Message in a Bottle on my first visit there (even though I hadn’t even heard of Chase in 2011, which apparently wasn’t relevant). Brad showed us the scar from his achilles injury from that match and I sensed he didn’t have fond memories of Chase either. We asked if Brad would be interviewed for Lee’s video version of this tourist guide but he didn’t like to do this before the match, although he promised to speak with us afterwards. We said we’d see him later and we cracked on with our respective days.

As we drove out of Clee and back to Grimsby, we spotted the floodlights at Grimsby Town (they play in Clee). This helped prompt me to remember exactly how I used to find grounds back in the days before Google Maps. Of course it was the floodlights in the distance. I miss those days.

Grimsby Fishing Heritage Centre

How could we come to Grimsby and not learn about the fishing industry?

The man on reception asked if we’d like a tour of the fishing boat, which was at noon. I checked the time. It was already 1100 (we hadn’t been in a hurry this morning), so that seemed perfect timing.

Right, now into the museum. I’d made the decision to wear my (multifocal) glasses today so I could actually read about what I was seeing.

Not fishing related, but there was an exhibition on hometown sporting heroes.

We quickly found the football section.

Right, now back to fishing.

Like the Titanic museum in Southampton (which you MUST visit, btw), this museum tells its story by placing you there, from leaving home to arriving on the boat and showing you what it was like on there.

Of course there’s always a pub!

As always, the gift shop comes at the end. Here are the highlights.

And of course no blog of mine is complete without a Loo Review.

By the time I resurfaced in reception, we were being hurried on out to the ship to meet our noon tour (despite it only being five to). We made our way round (in the drizzle, which had not been forecast).

Ross was the name of the fish company (now Youngs) and Tiger was the name given by schoolchildren, who named a number of boats after animals – largely cats, although there was a dog and a zebra.

Our tour guide was a retired fisherman named Ron Telford, who had worked on this very boat. Here he is tying the cod line.

The boat would go from Grimsby up to Orkney/Shetland and fish up there before heading back down. Below is a model of how the net would look as it was towed behind the boat, with weights on the bottom and floats on the top.

Ron told us that the boat was basically a factory, with the fish separated (for roe and innards) and iced ahead of the journey home.

On return to Grimsby, the fish would be sold at market. Any fish that remained would be sold to Ross for them to to sell on as frozen.

Ron clearly loved his time at sea and is in the process of writing his third book about it.

What an interesting morning that had been. These tourist guides are so much fun to research. But obvs beer forms a vital part of a matchday so it was now time to enjoy Grimsby’s finest.

Docks Beers

This is an absolute must visit if you’re anywhere near Grimsby. It’s a brewery, taproom, magnificent gig venue…it’s so many things. Let me show you round.

On our visit last summer, we made a point of taking in a gig at Docks Academy (upstairs), which we enjoyed very much. We sacrificed a further visit for a gig on this trip for (a) variety and (b) the opportunity to check out the excellent Yardbirds. Here’s this summer’s listings here:

One part of this excellent establishment that we had yet to experience was the catering. Mockingbird have a permanent station outside and I had been salivating over their menu all week.

Hmm what to have, what to have? I’m perpetually trying to be healthy but realistically I ain’t having a salad when I’m on the beer, am I? Decision finally made, I headed out to place our respective orders.

‘How will I know when it’s ready?’

I didn’t fancy loitering out in the rain.

I was handed an exciting gadget to take back into the bar,.

You’ll see from the above being lit up that the food is now ready. So lets tuck in.

The food was delicious and was all polished off despite us not even being that hungry after breakfast.

Lee spotted the oat milk iced latte on the menu and asked if I wanted another drink too. Well, if I must! I headed over to check out the fridge (oops).

Whilst over there, I checked out the exciting merch range.

They’re doing such good things here. The love and hard work that goes into everything just oozes out of the place. I have a lot of time for businesses such as this. Great work, Docks.

Obvs I could have stayed here for hours (well not really, given that I was already in the fridge and it was only lunchtime). But we had a match to get to, so off we headed into deepest, darkest Grimsby (which was actually quite nice). I was excited to tick off a new ground, which is always a treat.

Grimsby Borough v Chasetown

On arrival at the ground, greeted warmly as always by by old pals John and Edna, it was pointed out to me that I had actually been here before. Clee Town had been groundsharing here when Chase had played here on my very first visit. Having been driven here on both occasions, I hadn’t even noticed it was the same ground. Oh well, never mind.

The (quite short) goalkeeper for Boro appeared to be wearing wraparound sunglasses, which we thought was odd, considering the weather was overcast and wet. Lee remarked that he looked like Robin (of Batman fame). Apparently he’d played outfield against Chase previously.

The Boro Ultras (young kids) were making a lot of noise in the sheltered standing area behind the goal. I suggested they’d be great on Lee’s video and he ended up chatting to them. One lad had been watching Boro home and away for nine years already and he was only 13. Got to love this passion for non league football. As Lee infiltrated the Ultras, they had stopped chanting, and Chase took advantage of their silence to pop up with a goal at the other end. Get in!

Sadly, our hosts had not only cancelled out this goal but taken the lead by the 23rd minute. The score remaining 2-1 at half time, I stomped into the clubhouse in search of comfort food and beer.

We’d spied (and smelled) the loaded fries during the first half and they were incredibly alluring. That said, I’d already factored in an extra meal today and I definitely couldn’t fit in another one just yet. I plumped for a packet of Prawn Cocktail and a pint of something I can’t remember but I think was some sort of smoothflow.

The second half was ALL Chase from start to finish. Their dominance was rewarded with an equaliser from Luke Yates. Could they grab a winner? Lauren confirmed that, if it stayed at 2-2, the match would go straight to penalties: no extra time, no replay. Ooh how exciting – I love penalties.

From our vantage point on the side of the pitch closest to the clubhouse, we got a good view of Brad, who was playing right back for Boro. He was an impressive force and I can’t imagine anyone relished coming up against him. He was powerful in the tackle and in the air. Definitely better than the level he is currently playing at but a treat to get to watch him in action this afternoon.

The final whistle blew and the penalties were to be taken at the end where the Ultras were (strangely, they hadn’t moved round to the other goal that Boro were attacking in the second half). Come on Chase!

I’d have been more confident of Chase’s success had Pondy been in goal (and taking a pen, which he’s good at too) but apparently he was at a wedding today. Still, I was confident that we’d stick a few past Robin in the Boro net.

Dear reader, you couldn’t make this stuff up. Brad stepped up to take what would turn out to be the decisive penalty for Boro…and failed to score. Chase were through to Q2 of the FA Trophy!

We reasoned that Brad would resolutely NOT want to be interviewed after the match, so we made our way back to the car to make our jolly way home.

Westbound

We stuck on an 80s playlist to accompany us home (inspired by Duran). Remarkably, 2.5h later on arrival back home, we’d had no Spandau Ballet, so made a point of tracking forward until finally, about 12 tracks down the line, Gold appeared. Ah that was the dressing room tune that was blasted out after a win in my Chase days!

As always, Grimsby, Clee, you were an absolute treat. If you’ve never been, do make plans to visit. It really is a joyful place, with such lovely people and fabulous local businesses that deserve our support.

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Here’s Lee’s video version of this Tourist Guide. Do give it a watch and see if it is like you imagined from reading the above.